Thursday, November 15, 2018

Shocking Clickbait Discovery Alert! What will happen to the internet of computers?

Based on scientific research, in conjunction with the artificially intelligent computing resources at the Google company, we have discovered a shocking discovery about the future of the internet of computers.

Whereas computers and internet have been in fashion as of late, recent research indicates that these things are ultimately doomed. More doomed than frogs, which will also have their day.

As the graph above clearly indicates, computers (shown in A COLOR) and internet (shown in A DIFFERENT COLOR) had their heyday between 1985 and 2005. However, these great technologies are now on the decline!

Based on our accurate scientific projections, we believe that internet will end in 2025. Computers are currently projected to end later (2052). But, we may reasonably estimate their rate of demise to increase when they become sad no longer being able to talk to each other on the internet. This could possibly accelerate their final demise to within a few years of the end of the internet.

The threat is real.

The pointless dot-com will survive, of course, because it is the transcendent dot-com, living more in our hearts and minds that on internets and computers. But, the rest of the dot-coms are doomed!!!

And what about Duke Nukem! What will he do!?

What will you do without internet and computers?!

Do you think our projection is accurate? (It is.)

(Leave your comments below.)

Please remember. Don't panic. (Do panic.) Think clearly. Rationally. Throw a chair. Save the internet.

Thursday, November 8, 2018

The truth about voting in elections

With the 2018 elections in our wake, and with the dust settling on the many Facebook and Twitter wars that ensued, we at would like to take a moment to clarify a few misconceptions about your votes in those 2018 elections and all elections.

Myth: Your vote counts.
Fact: Voting machines count. Jewelry thieves count. Small children count. And monkeys can count sometimes too. And nothing else.

Myth: It doesn't matter who you vote for as long as you vote!
Fact: It doesn't matter who you vote for as long as you keep it to yourself. If you show up at the polls, it only matters if you vote for our angry stickman with a public display of affection. Everything else is lame.

Myth: You're voting for the candidates on the ballot.
Fact: All votes are translated behind the scenes into Loony Tunes characters and are eventually reduced to gun battle duel between Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd. But, this too is moot, because Bugs Bunny wins by default every election and chooses one of the "elected" officials to feed an inordinate amount of carrots too.

Hence the lengthy history of orange guys in various offices ...

You are welcome for the facts. Feel free to agree with completely them in the comments.

Monday, November 5, 2018

post spookery tom foolery

Tom Foolery. The Man. The Legend. The turn of phrase. Does it get any post-spookerier than that?

I think not.

Therefore I am not.

But, don't put all your grapes in one basket. Put them all into one bowl. Baskets are for apples. Bowls are for grapes.

And grapes are for monkeys.

Don't act like an ape. Just get back to business.

Monkey bizniss.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

the pen is mightier than the fjord

It may seem like I'm talking nonsense. But, clearly I am talking cents.

That's right. Golden (not actually golden) pennies. Umerican pennies. America.

Birds. Birds with scales, and gills. Like dragons or dinosaurs.

And unlike other crappy dotcoms that aren't worth more than two of these Abrahams, we've got a whole lot of them. A fjordfull.

And well what does that have to do with pens? And why are they mitreier than a fjord?

As the saying goes, if you have to ask I'll just tell you.

Monkeys. Bananas. And Penguins.

Need I say more?

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

does anyone remember salad fingers?

I mean, I don't personally remember salad fingers — except for just now when I was remember salad fingers.

But seriously. Salad fingers was a thing.

And it got me wondering, like ... why was this ever a thing at all?

Does anyone out there not have salad fingers?

Let me know in the comments. Thanks.